iDo
by Harry Potter Fan 1994
Summary: Sam and Freddie never meant to get engaged. It was supposed to be an experiment, like the one they'd tested years ago. But Carly didn't take it that way, and now they're getting married whether they like it or not. Seddie! Rated T just in case...
1. Chapter 1

In the everlasting words of Sam, what goes on, peoples? This is my first future fic (and my last, they just don't feel like iCarly characters when they're older and less mature). I have no idea who Alex is, but for your convenience he is almost never there.

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

* * *

"Congrats, Carls. I'm really happy for you." This one time, Sam was okay with being a little heartfelt. Alex was a great guy, he had a whole bunch of wonderful characteristics Sam didn't care to describe, and he would make the perfect husband for Carly.

"Thanks, Sam! I can't believe it--just a few more minutes!" It was her wedding morning, and Carly could not have been more nervous. But she was happier than Sam had ever seen her. From the minute the blonde had walked in the room to the present time, Carly had not once stopped smiling.

"Listen, I'm gonna go find my seat. Take a couple deep breaths; everything's gonna go great and you'll be off on your honeymoon in no time."

Carly grabbed Sam's hand before she left. "You're coming, right?"

"On your honeymoon?"

"Yeah! We've done everything together; I can't leave you out of this. You _have_ to be there."

"Carly, it's for you and Alex. To be alone. Without anyone else." Carly looked ready to cry. Too late, Sam realized how emotionally volatile she was today and how bad of an idea it was to smear a bride's makeup ten minutes before the ceremony.

"But Spencer already paid for you...how can you just leave me there with this big, empty room across from mine reminding me that my own best friend didn't want--"

"Okay. I will, alright? See you."

Sam found a seat next to Freddie. The ex-tech producer might as well have been carrying a neon sign that read "I AM TWENTY-THREE YEARS OLD BUT COULD STILL PASS FOR A HIGH SCHOOL NERD." He had a tripod set up with a complicated-looking video camera on it, and was currently explaining the many features to an old lady next to him who clearly did not care.

"Yo, dork. Spare her the torture and just get Carly's entrance. You've got about seven minutes 'til go time."

Freddie turned around and eyed her with interest. It wasn't every day he saw Sam in a dress. But she'd do anything for Carly. "Yeah, yeah, hold on a sec. I'm getting Alex right now; look at how jumpy he is. Do you think he'd be more anxious if he knew I was getting his twitch-fit on camera?"

Sam smirked. "Stop bothering the guy just because you're jealous."

He frowned at her. "Jealous of what?"

"Jealous that it's him up there and not you. Ten years ago that's exactly what you would've wanted."

"That was ten years ago."

The large, wooden doors in the back of the church slowly opened. Spencer tensed, preparing to give his little sister away.

When Carly stepped into the aisle, there was not one single pair of eyes looking anywhere else.

"Wow," whispered Freddie to Sam. "She looks beautiful. You know, maybe I am a little jealous."

The old lady shushed him, but he was too busy enjoying the irritated look on Sam's face to do as she said.

* * *

"That was awe-inspring," sniffed Gibby. "I'm not sure what that means, but it was."

"Gibby, weren't you supposed to grow _out_ of your weird phase?" asked Sam. He paid her no attention.

The guests were leaving, along with Carly and Alex, to prepare for the reception. Freddie and Sam moved more slowly than the rest, unable to believe their friend was now a married woman. It made her seem so much older and wiser, for some reason. Hopefully her behavior at the reception would dispel that notion.

"It's so stupid," Sam said finally. "This whole getting married thing."

"What?" Freddie couldn't believe his ears. On one hand, Sam was supposed to be supporting Carly, no matter what her view on marriage was. How could she openly scoff at it when anyone could hear?

On the other hand, this conversation starter sounded vaguely familiar.

"I don't get it. Who decided to make such a big deal out of it? We've been celebrating that Alex and Carly were together for years. They've been living together for two months. We already had a huge engagement party, and a bacholerette party, and an after-bacholerette party, and now this. It's like some money-making conspiracy from the party-planning industry."

Freddie snorted. "Sure. They're just out to rob you. Nevermind that this is the most important moment in your life."

"How would _you_ know?"

"Because it is. Everyone knows that. You get to live with someone you love forever--you'll buy a house, start a family, raise kids, get a dog, I don't know. It's the start of a completely different life."

"You're such a mushy idiot."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just because your mom ruined it for you with her plethora of boyfriends doesn't mean it's a bad thing."

The church was a labyrinth. They couldn't figure out what exit was closest to the parking lot, and wandered about aimlessly until they could see cars in the windows of one of the doors. Meanwhile, Freddie had remembered why this conversation seemed like deja vu, and chuckled.

"What?" asked Sam.

"Nothing."

"Tell me," she ordered.

"I'm serious, it's not important. I was just remembering..." He shook his head and smiled slyly. "I was thinking...maybe..."

"That _we_ should get married?"

So she remembered, too.

"Don't hurt me."

"I won't."

He couldn't remember what was next, but she improvised.

"Do you think it's all it's cracked up to be? Carly gets excited about everything; you really can't trust her reaction. But I wonder if it's as great as she says."

"Why don't we find out?"

"Do you really want to get married?"

"I really want to _pretend_ to get married." They had arrived in the CCD portion of the building, and there happened to be a box of candy on the registration desk. Freddie dug around in it and pulled out a Ring Pop. "Your engagement ring."

Sam fought back a smile. "Do your thing, Dorkward. But it's just to see what it's like."

"Just to see what it's like."

"And we go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over."

"And we never tell anyone."

The flashbacks were a little painful. Freddie especially remembered at least two weeks of Sam beating him up three times as much as before to prove she had no feelings for him. Unfortunately, he had no way to prove the same. The fact that he had to bottle them up bothered him more than her punches had.

Freddie smiled reassuringly, and then got down on one knee, ripping the Ring Pop out of it's wrappings.

For reasons unknown to her, Sam was waiting in anticipation. She should've been bored to death.

"Samantha Puckett, will you marry me?"

He looked so serious, Sam almost believed he was really proposing. Those words deserved serious respect. Suddenly, she couldn't remember why this had been a joke; it was one of the most important moments in her life, just like he said.

_This isn't real_.

She was rudely jarred back to reality. Freddie was waiting expectantly. Sam could almost see his mouth get ready to formulate his famous 'Are you okay?' line. "Yes." She held out her hand, and he slipped the Ring Pop onto it.

Freddie could totally tell something was off. Sam was staring at the piece of candy like it was a million bucks. _How great would it be if that was a real ring, and this was her real reaction?_

That thought needed to go. Sam could never be with him. Ever. But since they were pretending...

He stood and kissed her deeply, letting it linger for a few seconds. Sam's eyes snapped open. This was not supposed to happen. Was it?

It didn't seem like he enjoyed the kiss; it was as if he was mourning her instead of pretending to be engaged to her. He nuzzled her cheek for a second while she stood there, dumbfounded, and then stepped back. Her right hand was still in his.

_Why is he doing this? Didn't we already establish that this was a fake? Why does he look like someone flushed his pet fish down the toilet? Why the hell isn't he kissing me again, it was pretty nice..._

"I'm glad I'll be spending the rest of my life with you."

It was clear he wanted some sort of response, but Sam was spared the trouble. Carly and the rest of the wedding party had walked in, just as lost as Freddie and Sam, but the brunette forgot about asking for directions the minute she heard those words come out of Freddie's mouth.

"You two are getting _married_?"

* * *

Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all the reviewers! And also to **nameless**, the anon reviewer :) I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly

* * *

"I can't believe it! I'm so happy for you guys!" This was only the five hundredth time Carly had squealed those exact words. The wedding party had eventually found the exits in the church, but they were too busy congratulating Freddie and Sam on their "newfound happiness" to leave.

"Carls, listen--" Sam tried, but Freddie held her back.

"It's Carly's wedding day, do you really want to ruin it with 'by the way, Freddie and I were just making fun of weddings. We're not really getting married'?" he whispered furiously.

Carly was still blissfully ignorant. "I didn't even know you guys were dating. When did this happen? How did this happen? Oh my gosh, I can't believe it! This is the best wedding day ever. Freddie, now you have to come, too!"

"Come where?"

Sam grinned devilishly. "On Carly's honeymoon. I was gonna go alone, but now that you decided to propose, _honey_, you're gonna tag along."

Freddie blanched. "I really don't think that's necessary, I mean, it's for you and Alex to be alone--"

"I already tried. Carly and her moods."

"Stop it, Sam. You guys are definitely joining up with us. But I just got a reservation for Sam--you'll be okay with sharing a room with her, right?"

He looked ready to faint. Sam couldn't help but crack up. "He's totally okay with it. Go get ready for your reception, Carly, we'll meet you there."

* * *

Carly got up and tapped her glass with a spoon. "Can I have your attention, everybody? I know that today was supposed to be about me and Alex." She smiled lovingly at her new husband. "But I found out something that just made today even better--and I didn't know that was possible. Let's hear it for Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson, who just got engaged!"

Everyone in the reception hall clapped and cheered and--in Gibby's case--wolf-whistled. Sam and Freddie turned beet red.

"So much for no one knowing," Sam whispered to him while she attempted to smile and wave. Now everyone who had missed out at the church made their way over to congratulate the not-so-happy couple.

"Carly thinks she's doing us a favor, it's not her fault. How are we going to break it to her? She's really happy about this."

"Can't be helped, let's do it now."

"On her _wedding day_?"

"The sooner we get this out of the way, the better."

"No! We're not going to upset her at all today, Sam. Wait until after the honeymoon."

"But that's in two weeks!"

"It's _Carly's_ two weeks. Let her get all the euphoria out of her system, and then we can tell her this isn't real."

Even with that confession in the near future, it was hard to put up with the gushes of Freddie's mother for the rest of the night. ("My son is getting married! To a girl! And it wasn't arranged! Did you hear? My son is engaged! I didn't think anyone would ever want him!")

* * *

Carly and Alex left the hall in a limo. Sam and Freddie were to meet up with them at the airport after they packed, from which they would be traveling to Santa Barbara, California.

The plane ride was short and mishap-free, mostly. The air hostess was a little miffed that Sam nearly punched her for even thinking that she was 'underage' and that the airline 'didn't serve alcohol to minors.' Eventually, Sam got her Bloody Mary and everyone was happy.

After the plane landed, it was a two hour drive to their hotel in town. Santa Barbara was beautiful; it almost looked like a Christmas card cover picture without the snow. The air held promise for a lot of sightseeing--or an excuse to get out of certain other people's presences.

Freddie and Sam shoved their stuff into one room as fast as they could, as if that would change the fact that they'd be living together for the next two weeks. Sam immediately left to Carly's room while Freddie and Alex furtively met up at the golf course. They never did play any games, but one of the golf carts was missing the entire evening.

"This is so perfect!" Carly gushed. "So, where's your ring? I haven't even seen it yet! What does it look like? You know what, don't tell me, just show it to me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I ate it."

Carly gaped for a while, trying to wrap her mind around that. "You…ate…your engagement ring?"

"Yep."

"Sam! How could you?"

"It was watermelon flavored."

"That makes no sense! Of all the non-edible things to eat, you swallow your _ring_? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that if I left it out, it would rot." Sam looked like she was enjoying this conversation. Carly did not know what to say.

"Does Freddie know?"

"Yeah."

"Was he mad?"

"No. He didn't want a rotting engagement ring sitting around either."

There was really nothing more to do but give up in this situation.

* * *

Review please!


	3. Chapter 3

Again, thanks to all the reviewers! And **Rachel **the anon. reviewer :) Ah, reviews make me smile. So I look like a psychopath. But that's okay.

I apologize in advance for any OOC-ness. Fluff isn't my area of expertise, but there is a lot, and I mean A LOT of it here...enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

* * *

Around eleven, both "couples" returned to their rooms to unpack. Freddie and Sam stood around awkwardly, making the brilliant assessment that this room was meant for one person, not two enemies.

Finally, Sam plopped on the bed and groaned. "We're never going to get to sleep like this. Go take the bathroom and change, I'll tell you when it's safe to come out."

"And you'd better not come in here, either."

"Wouldn't dream of it, dork."

"Can you stop calling me things that an eighth grader would find insulting? We're all grown up now."

"Hmm…how about _mega_-dork?"

"Maybe if I was an eighth grader at a comic book convention."

"Then we could take a time machine back about nine years and it would be perfect."

"Ha. That'd be funny if--no, I don't think anything would make that funny. Your teasing is getting lame. Out of practice?"

He could hear her changing outside the bathroom. Suddenly, he had the overwhelming urge to peek.

_Whoa! You wanna keep your eyes in your head, then you keep that door locked. Sam's banter might be a little weak, but she's still stronger than you._

The urge was starting to scare him, because it would not go away. "You done?"

"Yep. Come on out."

The minute he stepped into the room, he realized he was way off with 'your teasing's getting lame.' There were a couple of things that tipped him off. First was that there was a perfectly normal set of pj's sitting in Sam's open suitcase. Second was that Sam had decided not to wear them.

"To answer your question, I'm not out of practice, Benson," she said smoothly, twirling the strap of her cami. "I've gotten better. Oh, and if you decide you don't want to look at my face when I'm talking to you, I'll slap you silly."

Freddie's new urge consisted mainly of sticking his head in a pillow and never, ever coming out. He gulped. "Whatever. I get the bed."

"I get the bed."

"No, I do."

"Yeah right. There's no way I'm sleeping on a lumpy couch."

"Then you'd better get used to sleeping with me, because there's no way I'm taking the couch either!" Immediately, Freddie shut his eyes and prayed she wouldn't kill him. That sentence had come out completely wrong. "Good night."

He climbed in and pulled the covers over his head. He felt Sam get in beside him.

"You think this is what's it's like for Carly and Alex?"

It was the first time anyone had acknowledged what got them into this mess in the first place. Freddie uncovered his face and looked at her. She was staring up at the ceiling as if decoding some hidden message in the tiles.

"Probably not. I'm pretty sure they didn't have a fight to decide that both of them would be sleeping in the same bed."

"I mean with the engagement and everything--why'd you kiss me?"

Freddie could still taste her on his lips. He definitely didn't regret the action. "I was supposed to. Isn't that how it works? I ask, you say yes, and then…yeah."

"How many chick flicks have you _watched?_"

He chuckled. "Probably more than you."

"…Any good ones?"

"Well, there was this one where a really smart, funny, sexy guy accidentally married this demon of a girl, so when they were all alone she killed him, cooked him, and ate him--"

Sam took her pillow and smacked him on the head with it. "That's not a chick flick. That's the story of your life."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "So you finally admit you think I'm smart, funny _and_ sexy? This was such a good idea."

While Sam struggled to find words to express her extreme distaste, he whacked her with his own pillow.

"Gotta be more alert than that, _honey_."

"Oh, it's on."

"Bring it."

They rolled off the bed and began an all-out pillow fight. Sam was the only person in the world who could make cloth and feathers lethal. By the end, Freddie was injured in more places than he would've liked, but Sam hadn't even broken a sweat.

He gingerly laid back down, wincing whenever any contact was made with his body. Sam grinned and leaned over him. "You're terrible at this game. Out of practice?"

She still thought he was 'distracted.' Unfortunately, she was dead wrong.

Freddie's fingers curled around the corner of a pillow, and he swung his arm as fast as he could. It caught her in the back, and she fell on him with a surprised 'ow!'

It was his turn to grin. "I'm not out of practice. I've gotten better."

She tried to get off, but he flipped them over.

"Admit it. I win."

"Shut up, Benson, it's not over yet." She struggled, but that only got her legs tangled up in the blankets. He waited on top of her, amused by her futile efforts.

"Ready to call it quits?"

"Get off of me."

"I'll take that as a no." His mouth moved to her ear and whispered, "You know, it would be a lot easier on you to tell me what I want to hear."

Sam stopped struggling for a second and went limp. Freddie was paralyzed with fear. He shouldn't have said that. What had he been thinking? He was in for it. Big time. Any minute now, she was going to explode with fury and no one would ever find the microscopic pieces of his body that she left behind.

But she didn't.

"Sam?"

"I said, get off of me." Her voice was very quiet and amazingly un-Sam-like.

He nearly laughed. She was actually _unsettled_. _He'd _unsettled her. Anything he wanted to do right now, for the years of pain and torment he'd gotten from her, it was in his power to do, since she'd evidently lost all ability to fight back. For maybe the next thirty seconds.

Sadly, at that point, in a dark hotel room, in the beautifully romantic state of California, on a 'honeymoon,' with his pretend-girlfriend, he couldn't even think about hurting her. What he really, irrationally wanted to do was just breathe her in. His lips brushed against her neck and she shivered. He buried his nose there and inhaled her scent.

"...Freddie? Please tell me you're not asleep."

_I can't do this to Sam._

That realization jolted him back to his senses. Freddie rolled off of her and kept rolling until he was on the far side of the bed. He really wished he could beat himself up, because Sam didn't look like she would be able to right now.

_It wouldn't work. I thought it would for years but it hasn't and it never will. Sam couldn't possibly feel for me what I feel for her. _

He was suddenly very, very tired. Rejection, even when it wasn't explicitly stated, always made him feel like crap. And apparently, the depression showed.

"Why do you do that?" Sam asked him. Her voice was slowly gaining it's former power. She was going to kill him. In his sleep. Because he was _not_ going to stay awake in this position any longer.

Freddie leaned back and closed his eyes. "Do what?"

"You're fine one minute and the next you're giving me these puppy-dog eyes like you're a crying little kid."

He smiled slightly. "Puppy-dog eyes? You think it's cute?" Eh. It had been a good life.

Sam glowered. "I hate puppies."

"I'm sure you do," he murmured back, half-asleep.

Sam waited for him to answer her question, but he looked just about out cold. "Benson?"

"Hmm?"

"What's up with you? What're you so sad about?"

She couldn't tell if he was sleeping and spewing nonsense, or if he really meant it, but he sincerely mumbled, "I'm not sad…I'm just reminding myself to not like this so much. I hate that it won't last."

By the time she overcame her shock, Freddie was completely unconscious. Slowly, she scooted closer to him and rested her head on his chest. Just because heartbeats calmed her. Really. They reminded her of the blood that would be flowing the next day when she got this idiot back for not only _thinking_ about touching her, but actually _doing _it. He would never regain use of his right arm.

But also--in the most hateful way possible--she wouldn't mind this lasting either.

* * *

Reviews are appreciated! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Hey, everyone! Thanks for the reviews!

And to **Rae Girl** (hehe, nice :)) I'm afraid you'll just have to wait any see...*evil laugh* but I think one of your questions will be answered in this chapter. And that's a GREAT one shot idea, plenty of fun awkwardness! Are you going to get an account and write it? You should!!

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

* * *

The four of them went sightseeing the next day, but they split up within an hour. Carly and Alex decided to ditch Sam and Freddie in favor of making out somewhere dark.

The entire time that they were together without Carly or Alex, Freddie didn't say anything about waking up to see Sam's arms wrapped around him. Sam had woken feeling very, very cold, and pulled the pillow over her head to block out the sound of Freddie singing in the shower. When he'd come out, he'd just greeted her with a cheerful "Good morning" and went down to grab breakfast, leaving Sam wondering whether the night before had just been a dream.

Seven o'clock found Freddie and Alex at a fancy-schmancy restaurant, dressed semi-casually. The snobby waiters eyed each wrinkle on the two men's shirts with revulsion. Already, Freddie decided the help was not getting a very big tip.

Carly and Sam showed up a few minutes later straight from the hotel; Carly in one of her many cocktail dresses, Sam in the same outfit she wore to Carly's wedding.

"I don't like dresses," she muttered unhappily. Freddie smiled, almost sympathetic.

"If it helps, you look fantastic."

He wasn't sure where that had come from, but it shut Sam up. Freddie pulled out her chair for her a little too far, and she fell on her butt as she tried to sit down. Carly and Alex choked back laughs, but Sam was not so easygoing about it.

"I'll get you back for that, Benson."

"I know." At least they were on the same footing again. He was not about to let awkward silences mark their relationship.

Their waiter turned out to be a waitress, and one who had taken a great (and fatal) liking to Freddie. The minute she sidled up to them, she was a giggling, eye-batting mess. "And what can I get _you_?"

Freddie half-smiled, not noticing Sam's death glare. "Um…how about the escargot?"

"You eat snails?" Sam said disgustedly. "Even_ I_ wouldn't do that."

"_I _think the escargot here is marvelous. A wonderful choice." The idiot winked at Freddie, who blushed a little. "And you?" she addressed Sam. Her voice was suddenly a lot more clipped.

"Do you have anything here that doesn't make people want to throw up?"

The waitress smirked, looking Sam up and down. It was obvious what she wanted to say: "We did, but then you got here." Instead, she just enunciated slowly, "We do. But I'm sure the children's menu would be perfect for you; it has smiley fries and grilled cheese on it." Carly's eyes went wide; this would not end well.

"You did _not_ just say that to me."

Freddie prepared himself to break up the fight that was sure to ensue.

Sam grabbed the waitress's collar. "Listen up, bimbo, you'd better clean up your act, treat all your customers with respect, and stop making googly-eyes at my fiancée, or I'll make sure you never work anywhere again--anywhere that requires walking to, at least."

"You know what? How about we leave?" interrupted Alex. "I saw a fast food place down the street--"

Another waiter scurried over. "Ma'am! Please unhand Anna! What is the problem here?"

Sam shoved the terrified girl away. "Forget it. We won't be coming here again. Come on, Freddie."

He smiled apologetically at the two employees and followed Sam out. Carly and Alex did the same. No one said a word until they couldn't see the restaurant anymore. Then Sam rounded on Freddie.

"What the heck was that? You just _let_ her flirt with you!"

He didn't know what to say. Was she really angry, or was she pretending for Alex and Carly? "Um…I'm sorry?"

"Like that makes anything better."

Freddie stepped close to her and hugged her--_only_ as a ploy to be able to whisper to her. Really. "You wanna tell me what's going on? Why are you so mad?"

"I'm not," Sam said with some difficulty.

"Okay." Freddie figured if she had wanted him to back off, she would've said something. "You sounded really believable. You know, throwing the whole 'fiancée' thing in there."

"…Thanks."

He grinned and let go. "Now how about a burger? I'm pretty sure you've been waiting for some real food since lunch."

* * *

At the hotel, Freddie and Sam separated right away. Freddie was on the phone on one end of the room with his boss--he was currently employed by Seattle Beat Productions, thanks to his well-known iCarly producing experience. But even that couldn't fully get him off the hook for missing two weeks out of the blue.

Sam was busy trying to figure out how to get the infernal contraption everyone else called a necklace off of her throat. The clasp was too small--how did girls do this on a daily basis?

They both stopped when someone knocked on the door.

"It's probably Carly. Quick!" warned Freddie, jumping on the bed. Sam crawled into his arms and he yelled, "Come in, it's open!"

Carly and Alex entered, 'aw'ing and laughing at the sight of such a cute couple.

"We thought we might leave you these," Carly said, smiling wickedly and holding up a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs.

Freddie's eyes were a sight to see, as big as hubcaps.

"NO!" He pushed Sam out of his embrace and practically cowered against the headboard. The blonde nearly cracked up at this perfect opportunity to make him pay for embarrassing her at the restaurant, but truthfully, she wasn't sure if she could handle it, either. Poor Carly and Alex had no idea what was going on.

"What Freddie meant was, we promised not to do anything until we got married. So thanks, but no thanks."

The married couple exchanged guilty looks. "That's very noble of you," Carly said finally.

"Yeah…we _definitely_ did not do that."

"I don't think they need to know the details, honey, apparently, they're still kids." The two cracked up like that was actually funny, and closed the door behind them.

"Way to act like a five-year-old, you nub. That totally didn't give anything away."

Freddie wished he could get any part of his dignity back, but that was impossible now. "Nice save."

"Whatevs. You need to lighten up."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't make me spell it out for you. Stop being so mopey and jumpy. If we're going to pretend, we might as well have some fun with it." At his expression, she sighed. "You are never going to grow up."

* * *

Review please!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey! Somehow the site was down I guess...so I couldn't update. Sorry!

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

* * *

"Hey, Freddie, grab my hairdryer from my bag. This hotel one is crap."

"Sure. You mean you want this ancient, dust-covered, toaster-oven thing?"

"It's a hairdryer. And yeah."

Freddie shrugged. Each to his/her own. But then something caught his eye. "Sam…why are your baby pictures in this suitcase?"

She'd forgotten all about them. "What? Give those back, Benson!"

She reached for them, but he tugged them out of her grasp, laughing. "Look at that! You were the chubbiest baby I've ever seen! Why do you carry these around with you?"

"Shut up, you dork! My mom never cleans out the suitcase, okay? Give 'em back or I'll slug you!"

"Is that a rubber duck? You practically destroyed mine in the fifth grade! How is it fair that you had one?"

"_Stop looking at my naked baby pictures! I swear to God, I'll murder you!"_

He 'tsk'ed at her. "You can't go around killing people anymore. Maybe when we were kids you could get away with it, but now you'd get arrested."

"Not if no one found out." She punched him in the nose.

Stars exploded in front of Freddie's eyes. Pain erupted from the contact point, and he was sure he heard a sickening crack. Blood spurted onto his hands, which had jumped up to grab hold and make sure his nose didn't fall of his face.

"OW!"

To her credit, Sam looked a little remorseful.

"…Whoops?"

Freddie staggered to the bathroom and washed the blood off his face, but the flow would not stop. Sam was obviously not going to do anything about it, so he stumbled across the hall to Carly's room.

"Yes?" the brunette said as she opened it. Her eyes widened. "Freddie! Oh my God, is it broken? Come in here, sit on the couch, I'll get a towel. Lean your head back."

She was an expert at fixing Freddie's injuries. She had to be. Often, she'd been the only person around when Sam decided to hurt him. "How are you two going to live together?" she asked worriedly, handing him one of the hotel's washcloths.

"Wib a dogtor nearby," he groaned. "Got emmy baingillers?"

"What the heck is a baingiller? Painkillers? Oh, gosh…wait here, I'll tell the hotel to get a plastic surgeon…"

"Gnhh? I dote watt a plastic surgun!"

* * *

As the day wore on, Sam started to feel a prickle of worry. Freddie was still not back. He hadn't been bleeding that bad…well, yes he had. But surely by now he would be fine…

Did he hate her? Had he left?

_You sound like a paranoid wife. Just shut up. All his stuff is still here, you idiot._

She didn't feel like going anywhere, so she sat on the bed and watched TV for a couple hours. Even that wasn't distracting enough.

When the suite door opened, she jumped up. "Freddie? You okay?"

"Yeah, mostly." His nose didn't look broken, at least. He plopped down next to her. "Whatcha watching?"

"Aren't you mad?"

"Never heard of it."

"That's not a show, that's a question."

"Mad about what?"

"About me almost knocking you out, you dummy!"

He shrugged. "Yeah. But that's just what you do. I think I've gotten used to it."

She didn't buy that for a second. "Well…I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Listen, Carly and Alex are heading to the beach. They asked if you wanted to come."

"Are you going?"

"No way. I don't think I can." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. It was still insanely sore.

"Then I'll stay here." She went back to her unnamed TV show. The corner of Freddie's mouth twitched.

"Do you really feel that bad?"

"No."

He slid closer and put his arm around her. "Thanks."

She didn't answer.

"For the record, you were a pretty cute baby." Freddie trailed kisses from her cheek to her jaw, and would have gone further, but she turned her head away rather inconsiderately.

"OW!"

"Shoot…are you okay?"

Freddie fell back on the bed, clutching at his nose and groaning. "Oh man…ugh…"

"I'm sorry! I'll get you a napkin or something…it's bleeding again…"

* * *

Sam and Freddie were pretty much out for the count for the rest of the vacation. Freddie could barely walk--any sort of movement sent bolts of pain through his whole head. Carly could not stop going on about 'how sweet' it was that Sam volunteered to stay behind and look after him, though she did so mainly because 1.) Carly and Alex were not very much company when they were wrapped up--literally--in each other and 2.) it was easier to taunt Freddie when he was almost completely dependant on her for food, water, and an escape from absolute boredom.

"If I was at home right now…" his sentences usually began. "I'd order that HP Tablet I've always wanted. It's like the size of a notebook, and it's light, and you can twist the screen around so it lies on the keyboard and you can write on it--"

"I don't care about your stupid computer love, you nub."

"But it's got--"

Sam groaned. "I can write on any computer. There's nothing special about that one."

"You're so unappreciative of technology!"

"You're so not getting lunch!"

He changed topics instantly. "Can I have some ice?"

"Nope."

"You know, this is your fault. Both times. And you're lucky I--"

"Don't even try to pull that one on me, dorkwad. You were the one who tried to bust a move. Stupidity comes with a price."

Freddie leaned back in bed and waited a while. "Can I _please_ have some ice?"

"Fine."

Night was the only time Sam even put up with mentioning their pretend-engagement. And the only time she let him come anywhere close to her, on the condition that he never brought it up when they were wide awake. Neither of them understood why they liked it so much whenever he held her or talked to her in that soft voice he only used when they were alone. Sam was starting to see what he meant, though; however much she enjoyed falling asleep all cuddled up, the minute they got back to Seattle, this was gone. They would go back to hating each other again, just like they promised.

Like that worked so well the first time. And going back after this was going to be so much harder.

"You know…married couples probably don't go to sleep fighting every night," Freddie joked.

"Maybe not in your chick flicks, but in real life they do."

He sobered at once. "Your mom and dad?" The reason she believed all marriages were doomed to fail. "What happened with them?"

Sam just shrugged. "I don't remember my dad much. He walked out when I was little. But whenever he was home he'd yell at my mom for being a slut, and she'd yell back because he didn't care about her, and they'd be going back and forth until at least two in the morning."

Freddie slipped his hand into hers. "That's not how it's supposed to go, Sam. A lot of the time, things work out. But there are always fights."

"What happened to your dad?"

"He got bitten by a tick."

"No way! And _died_? Is that why your mom used to give you those tick bath things?"

He grinned.

"You made that up."

"You believed it. Who's the gullible one now?"

She tugged her hand away. "What really happened?"

"I don't know. I never asked. My mom's not the person you discuss personal issues with, you know?"

"Don't you want to find out?"

"Yeah, but if it's going to make my mother more upset than she already is, forget it."

They were quiet for a while, and finally Freddie said, "You know what does happen, right? When you're married, you kiss each other good night."

He expected a biting reply, but Sam just looked up at him and answered, "So do it."

Without hesitation, he slung one arm over her waist and pressed his lips firmly to hers. He hadn't thought she would respond, but he could feel her mouth moving against his. He pulled back slowly and muttered a quick, "Night."

Freddie peeked over at her, watching as she touched her lips in wonder. He'd practically felt sparks fly, but was that enough to prove anything?

"Sam…do you think we could--"

She rolled over so she wasn't facing him. "No. We can't."

He didn't press matters any further.

* * *

Review please!


	6. Chapter 6

Look! It's a longer-ish chapter...more than a thousand words, anyways, but...hehehe...this was a fun chapter to write :)

To **alex s.**: Thanks! Lol I was surprised the ending was so popular when Sam rejected him but hey, that's cool :)

To **anon.**: Lol I updated :) Glad you liked it!

And to r**ae girl**: Oh, lol, no, her name really is Rachel. But I know you're you and she's her, don't worry, haha. I'm working on the story you told me about, so that should be up soon, under the name iNeed Therapy :) Thanks for the review, all of you guys!

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

* * *

And so the remainder of the two weeks dragged by. The day before they were to leave, Freddie finally decided he felt okay enough to go swimming, at least.

The hotel pool was gigantic, crowded, and outdoors. Carly and Alex jumped in at once, and Sam would've followed suit, but Freddie held her back.

"Let's leave them alone. It's their last day here, anyway." He held up a tube of sunscreen. "Need help?"

"Yeah." She turned and let him rub it onto her shoulders. She'd had a more revealing swimsuit, but bought a new one a the gift shop the very first morning they were here. She hadn't liked how Freddie had stared at her the night before that. Or rather, she'd liked it, but knew if it happened again he'd figure out she was doing more than just taunting. "I didn't need a massage."

"Eh. It's a bonus, enjoy it."

"My shoulder's are fine, Freddork."

"Shoulders burn easy." But he heeded her and let his fingers travel down her back, to her hips--

"Okay, you're done." Sam grabbed the sun block from her smirking fake-fiancé and did the rest herself.

"Don't I get help?"

"You can burn. Preferably in hell."

Oh, how she hated that smirk. She rolled her eyes.

"Turn around."

Freddie did so, and she jumped into the pool.

"Sam! Sam, get back here!" He dived in after her and finally caught up to her, making sure to splash her as much as possible. "If I'm redder than a lobster when we get back, you're the one who has to deal with my mom."

She splashed him back. "What's the worst she can do to me, beat me with her first-aid kit?" Sam winced. "On second thought, that might hurt a little bit."

Not to be outdone, Freddie created a veritable tsunami to drown her in. "That's right. There IS a reason I haven't gotten her an economy-size one."

Unexpectedly, Sam lunged at him and dunked his head under the water. Tens of thousands of little bubbles flew out of Freddie's open mouth before he had the sense to push off the floor of the pool, break the surface, and breathe.

"Are you trying to _kill _me?!"

"…No…"

Freddie dived under and grabbed her leg, tugging her under with him. Then he blew a jet stream of bubbles into her face and resurfaced, laughing.

"Benson, that was disgusting!"

"You didn't mind, then."

She shoved him away. "Don't ever do it again."

"But that just makes it so much more tempting..."

"Huh?" Her jaw dropped slightly, and he grinned.

"Not like that…but if that's what you want…" Freddie waded up to her and brushed her hair from her face. He kissed the corner of her mouth, teasing her, and she turned her head so he could kiss her properly, but then recoiled.

"Stop."

"Nuh-uh." He kissed her harder, but she kept pulling back.

"Stop it. _Please_."

That got his attention. Polite words did not exactly rain from her lips. Sam swam away the minute he let go of her, but she wasn't getting out of it that easily. He trapped her between the wall of the pool and his arms and gazed at her intensely. Yes, he'd let it go these past two weeks, but they both knew if someone didn't take charge, _this_ could dissolve into nothing in an instant. And Freddie refused to let that happen again. "Why can't you admit you care about me?"

"Because I don't, you self-obsessed dweeb! Leave me alone!" She pushed him away, and to her surprise, he actually stayed away. But it didn't make her feel any better--he just looked immensely disappointed. And after she told him to loosen up, too.

_I hate this! Why does he have to rush me? He knows I have no idea about what we've got, and then he gets all upset whenever I want him to back off…_so confusing. Sam got out of the pool and grabbed her towel. She couldn't wait for this vacation to be over.

But she couldn't leave him like this…frustrated, she turned around and yelled, "God, Freddie, can't you just give me a little time?!"

Even thirty feet away, he could hear her. He smiled, nodded, and swam away.

It felt kind of nice to know she'd let him have a glimmer of hope.

* * *

"So how's the vacation going? You know, besides your injury and everything," asked Alex as he and Freddie dried themselves off.

"It's going. You?"

"Best honeymoon I could've asked for. I'd hate to go back to work after this. But I guess you won't have to. There's a second honeymoon on the way, isn't there?" Alex grinned.

"Huh?"

"Didn't Carly tell you? She's been fighting practically every day with the hall that we had our reception in so you guys could have yours there. The party for tomorrow got cancelled--nasty story there, won't go into it--but when we go home, Carly thinks you and Sam should get married, instead of whenever you were planning it. I guess that was the one downside to this--not that I'm blaming you guys. She's spent a couple hours every day planning guest lists and catering and she even picked out a dress Sam would like. All that's left is for you guys to get your marriage license. It's a little fast, but Carly's so excited for it. I thought she'd've blurted the surprise to you by now, but this works out nice. You still have time to rent a tux and everything, at least."

Freddie paled. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. You look scared." Alex chuckled. "Don't worry. Being a taken man isn't all that bad."

"Heh. Yeah. That was what I was worried about."

* * *

"Sam?" Freddie didn't know how to break this to her. This was definitely not good, not good at all. After Carly put so much work and time and money into this, how were they supposed to back out?

"Hey, Fredward," Sam replied dully. She'd gotten to the room long before him to shower, but a little chlorine was the least of their worries.

"Listen. About what you said at the pool today...I'm prepared to give you all the time you need, but Carly isn't."

"I know. She just came and told me."

"How are we going to go through with this?"

Sam stared at him incredulously. "_Go through with this? _You still think I'm going to pretend this is all okay? It's not even close! There's no way I'm not going to tell Carly this isn't real. We can't keep this up!"

"Do you have any idea how much she's done for us? She planned and paid for the whole freaking wedding!"

"And she deserves to know it's a fake before she does any more!"

"We can't go and crush her like that!"

"We're going to have to!"

"There's got to be something else we can do!"

"What, Freddie? What? Our only other choice is to get married!"

"Well, maybe that's the choice I want to make!"

"Why the hell would you want to do that?!"

"Because I love you, Sam!"

Her jaw dropped, but even her shock couldn't stop her next words from spilling out of her mouth. "And this was how you wanted to get me? By tricking me?"

She had never, ever regretted saying anything as much as that question.

Freddie looked like he'd been slapped. "No. I wanted you to give me a chance. To fall in love with me. Some day. I guess it didn't come off like that..." He trailed off into silence and turned away. It was so quiet--almost like he was trying to suffocate himself by holding his breath. She hadn't meant to make him feel that way in the least.

"Freddie--"

"Freddie? Sam? You both had better not be in here…" Carly barged through the open door. "What were you thinking? A bride and a groom CANNOT see each other before the night of the wedding. Get out, Freddie!"

"But--"

"Get out, get out! Stay in my room for tonight, I'll have a little sleepover with Sam. Good night!" She pushed him gently away. Freddie glanced at Sam once more, but she took a sudden interest in her flip-flops. Knowing this wasn't going anywhere, he left.

"Are you excited, Sam? Tomorrow's the big day!" Carly was literally squealing.

"No kidding." Sam did not feel like talking to her, or to anyone. She got up. "I'm going for a walk. Don't wait up for me."

Her friend probably wanted an explanation, but Sam couldn't give one. She was upset beyond words.

It wasn't that she was mad at him anymore. But things were moving too fast. Carly had always been an overbearing influence in her love life (mostly because many of the guys she dated ended up liking Carly much more) but Sam wasn't sure if she was ready to hand this decision over to her friend, too, especially when things between her and Freddie were so unclear.

She wandered aimlessly in the halls of the hotel before finding a door and stepping into the cool evening air. How had this happened? How had one little joke escalated into an actual marriage? And why was she glad that it had?

Sam stopped. _I'm...glad? Yeah, I didn't mind the last two weeks and yeah, I don't think I've ever been this much of a nub around a guy before but...can I marry him? _

The truth was, she loved him too. It felt so strange to admit that, but the more she thought about it, the more it grew on her. Thank goodness she'd realized that before she told Carly to call off the wedding. It would all work out perfectly.

She was going to marry Freddie Benson tomorrow. Not because of a mistake. Not because her friend was far too excitable. She would do it because they were in love, and that was what both of them wanted.

Now she had to go back to the hotel room and attempt to wipe all the mush from that last statement out of her brain.

* * *

All the guests were there. The priest was ready to go. The hall was beautiful; Carly had outdone herself. Freddie was waiting at the altar as Sam walked down the aisle. She looked amazing. It made his stomach churn. But he would not back down, no matter how she made him feel. It was time to do the right thing.

He was rehearsed. He was ready. All that mattered now was how fast he could manage to do it.

When Sam finished beside him, he refused to look at her. Instead, he turned around before the priest could start, and spoke.

"Hey, everyone. I know I shouldn't be interrupting--whatever. Listen, I…this was a mistake."

The guests gasped. He didn't care. He was just glad he couldn't see how relieved Sam must have been.

"Sam and I...we weren't supposed to get married. We were never engaged. Carly accidentally assumed that, and she was so happy we didn't want to contradict her. We should've told her earlier--Sam wanted to tell her earlier, but I couldn't. I didn't realize how out of control everything would get. We were supposed to call it off when Carly got back from her honeymoon; you see how well that worked out. But since today is--was--our day, I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Sam and I aren't getting married. Sorry for wasting your time."

He stepped off the altar and, without even one glance back at his horror-struck fake bride, he walked out of the church.

* * *

Review please! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Last chapter!!! Hope you enjoy!

To **alex s.**: Thanks again! Hehe I tried not to keep you waiting...here it is!

To **Rae Girl: **:) :) I hope so!! I wish I could be an author...aw, I really love your story idea, but idk if you saw my profile...I'm leaving tomorrow, I've got no more time until next month :( Thanks for the review though!

To **Addie**: So glad you liked it! Lol thank you for the compliment :)

And of course, thanks to all the other reviewers!!

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly (or the Proposal, sorry about that. I never meant to copy it, but a lot of people brought up that they were pretty much the exact same, so this is just to be safe :))

* * *

Carly knocked on the door to Freddie's apartment. His mom was too distraught to answer, so he opened the door. "Hey."

"Hey. Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Freddie sat on the couch, but she stayed standing, too aware of the awkwardness to do anything.

"How are you holding up?"

"I've been better." He looked so tired. Carly pursed her lips.

"You guys almost got married…for me?"

"Sort of. At first. I guess I lied at the church--after we'd been pretending for a while I really did want to marry her. But not like that. Never like that."

"You guys are the best, most idiotic friends I could've asked for." Carly sat down next to him and hugged him. "You going to be okay?"

"Eventually."

"Well, Sam's not."

Freddie frowned at her. "Why not?"

"I don't know. She won't talk to me. She locked herself in her house and she won't come out or let anyone in."

* * *

"Sam! Sam, open up!" Freddie yelled, pounding on her door. It was no use. She refused to even acknowledge him. After ten minutes of this useless effort, Freddie looked around for other ways to enter. The closest was a bathroom window. He grabbed a brick from the border that surrounded her neighbor's flower garden and threw it at the glass. It shattered into many pointy pieces. Freddie gulped, but he knew he had to brave it.

He hoisted himself up and crawled through with only minimum injuries. After dusting himself off, he peered into the house and jumped when he saw the blonde staring at him with one eyebrow raised.

"You owe me a new window."

"You owe me an explanation."

"For hiding? I didn't want to face the humiliation. Society generally looks down on bride-imposters."

"You don't care about being humiliated."

"Shows how much you know."

She looked calm enough, but when she turned to leave, he saw her shoulders shaking. Generally, when this happened, it was his cue to leave. This meant that Sam was absolutely furious, and any nerds within a half-mile radius were not safe.

"Why did you do it?" Her voice shook as much as her body, but it was pretty soft. At least she made an attempt to control herself. "Why did you tell them?"

"How could I not? Why can't you give me a _break_?"

Freddie was not quite so ready to bottle up his frustration.

"I thought you didn't want to marry me! You were practically crying--what was I supposed to do? Do you know how hard it was for me to say that? Do you have _any_ idea? I didn't want this to end. Ever! But I want you to be happy, and that's what I was doing, right? Letting you go and whatever! But now you're mad again and I don't understand, what do you want me to do? What more do you want from me? What will it take to get you to cheer up? Because I _hate_ seeing you upset, Sam. I _hate_ it!"

"If you hate it so much, then stop confusing me! Stop rushing into everything just because you're infatuated! Stop putting your friends before yourself! Stop making me fall in love with you! You think it was any easier to watch you go when you called it off? You can't build a relationship like this, Freddie. Even I know that. It doesn't work. It damn well isn't normal. We never even dated and now we're getting married? We both should've seen some kind of disaster like this coming."

"You're not normal, I'm not normal, what the hell made you think this relationship would be normal?" He stopped. "You…was that an 'I love you' in the middle of all that crap?"

She sighed. It was all that mattered to him, love. How did he live like that, just trying to get the girls he cared for to love him back? "It might've been."

"Okay." Freddie tried to regain his previous anger, but failed. "Um…you know what, you were right. I never know what I'm doing when it comes to you and...I'm sorry I hurt you. Really, really sorry." His shoulders slumped, defeated. Sam shook her head. Who would've thought he was just as lost as her?

"Are you leaving?"

She didn't even want to see him. Perfect. Just perfect. "Yeah. Sure. See you."

"Well, don't."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I kinda feel like planning another wedding."

Freddie just gazed at her warily. Her mood swings kept him on his toes, he'd give her that. "Come again?"

"I said I want to get married. Provided you buy me a ring that isn't edible and that the ceremony's small--you know, your mom, my mom, Carly, Alex, Spencer. And we don't really need to go on a honeymoon, do we? We kind of already did."

Freddie grabbed her shoulder before she turned to walk into the house. "Sam, think about what you're saying. You don't want to date first? Not even for a little while?"

"Yeah, I do. But we might as well start organizing everything right now, because you're crazy if you think I'm wasting more than five minutes of any day planning something stupid like my own wedding."

Freddie caught a little twinkle in her eye. Thank God she was joking. He pulled her into a hug and held her tightly, but Sam pushed him away one last time and jabbed her finger into his chest.

"But you'd better make this whole dating thing really fast, Benson."

"Why?"

"Because we told Carly we wouldn't _do anything_ until we got married, and I don't feel like waiting all that long."

Freddie laughed. "What Carly doesn't know won't hurt her," he murmured coyly.

"Do you _really_ want to lie to Carly again?"

He thought about it, and terrifying images of baby showers--with him trying to use Immaculate Conception as an excuse to a very pissed off Carly--popped into his head. He paled. "You know what...we'd better not."

That decided, they made out in Sam's broken-windowed bathroom.

* * *

"Let's try this again," the priest droned. Sam glared at him. "We are gathered here to unite Frederick Benson and Samantha--"

"It's Fredward."

"What?" The priest did not appreciate being interrupted.

"My name is Fredward, not Frederick. It's like Edward, but with a 'Frrrr'."

"I have Frederick on my sheet."

"Why does everyone do that?!"

"Can we just get a move on?" interrupted Sam impatiently.

"Sam, they're going to get you married to some random Frederick idiot. We have to sort this out!"

"Like it makes a difference. Right now I'm getting married to some random Fredward idiot. I don't think the government cares."

"Evidently. Or you'd be in jail instead of at a church."

"You wanna go, Benson?"

"STOP FIGHTING!" yelled the five attendees.

The two took a deep breath. "I guess we could. Just for today."

The priest groaned. "Should I give you the annulment papers now, or after the ceremony?"

Sam nearly grabbed him by the robes. "Shut up and keep going. This marriage is going to work, so you'd better watch your mouth."

Freddie smiled. "Am I a lucky guy or what?"

"We are gathered today to join FredWARD Benson and Samantha Puckett in holy matrimony." The priest zoomed through his part of the deal. He probably had better things to do than marry two crazies who were at each other's throats. But however much they'd hated each other, however whirlwind-y this 'courtship' was, it didn't diminish the absolutely heavenly feel when their significant other finally uttered those two, tiny words.

"I do."

* * *

Review please! :) Again, thanks for all the reviews so far! This was a lot of fun to write :)


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